Bad Mood

I'm in s bit of a testy mood. I just hate feeling lied to by someone especially when I've shown nothing but affection to the person. I can't stand lieing. I haven't since I was about 16. At that age I had a close knit group and one of my friends was a bit nasty.. meaning that he was kind of a bad influence he cursed a lot, kind of picked on people(in a humorous playful way), and lied.. a lot and I learned the art of lieing from him. I noticed that I was turning into someone I didn't like. I was lieing, A LOT and cursing worse then a sailor.

However with discovering that about myself and wanting to change myself it shifted my entire world and my group of friends, meaning I lost almost all of them because I had changed that part of my personality. I didn't like feeling like a backstabbing skinny bitch. I mean I can still lie if I have to but I only will to save a friend (a very close friend). It's almost scary how good at it I am. I was the one in my group of friends who could come up with a reason on where we were or why we were late or what we did in the drop of a hat and have it completely fool proof! I was the little con artist of my friends basically. But anyway I saw that in me and realized I needed to make a change because I wanted to be a good person. I wanted to bring happiness into the world, not lies and hatred. There's enough backstabbing in high school and I was sick of contributing to it.

I also had people in my life (including parents) that would always say they were going to do something and then they don't. I count that as lies. DO NOT make me a promise you cannot keep. Don't say I promise tell me you will try as hard as you can but you can't make any promises and then I won't hard it against you at all. After so many broken promises(viewed as lies) You can see why I just cannot stand being lied to. I hate it when people lie about the stupidest things. What is so hard about being honest! I can take it people! like for example you don't want to move closer to me or in with me then just say so it's alright I've lived through watching my mother die I can handle this little disappointment. I promise!

Another thing I don't understand is why do people make life out to be so much harder then it is? I mean once you fix yourself and get you to where you want to be as a person.. inside life really is not that hard. If you are content with yourself you can be completely content with the world. Once you accept your flaws it's easier for you to accept whatever the world throws at you.

Yes I went through a very emotional time but that was easy, I am a manic depressive and guess what I deal with it and have overcome it without therapy or medication. Recovery probably would of been a hell of a lot easier with therapy and medication but I wouldn't of learned so much about myself. Sometimes I think medication for depression just masks the issue and keeps the person from dealing with it. If you face your fears, and that other side of you. If you face the depressive you and force yourself to control it you will not need medication. Trust me I understand what it's like when you have a spell. You don't think like you. Looking around it just seems like you are the cause of every problem involving everyone in your life and you believe that it would be better if you just weren't alive. That's how most feel, and that's how I felt. I believed me being dead would be best for everyone. Depression is scary, but you have to face it head on to recover. That's my belief.

But manic depressives aren't the only ones making life so difficult. Some people are just so overly dramatic. Now, teenagers, you being dramatic is just normal. The emotions are nuts at that age and so are the egos lol. But I promise you life is not so complicated. Bills are more complicated then life! You can work and support yourself and be a happy person. You just need that one thing that one activity that makes you content and I do NOT mean a person. If you cannot be happy by yourself then you in no way shape or form should consider a relationship because then you will attach yourself to them and depend on THEM to make YOU happy which is just nonsense. That is something that makes life seem so difficult because if you two break up then where does it leave you? They obviously weren't dependent on you like you were to them. Never become dependent on someone else(I mean after so many years of marriage to me it's ok because marriage is a team factor). But it just annoys me when 11-20 year olds are SO dependent on the person they're dating to the point they allow them to abuse them and then make excuses as to why it's ok and somehow twist it around to where it's their fault.

Here's a wake up call for some people, if your spouse does these things listed below they may be a bad girlfriend or boyfriend:

- Calls you curse words
- Insults you (and isnt joking at all)
- Puts you down
- Your relationship with them hurts your relationship with your family (this is void if your family is a bunch of racists)
- They tell you what you get to do(like who you can befriend)
- They CHEAT on you
- They cheat on the person they cheated on you with
- LIEING!! someone who loves you will not want to lie to you
- They hit you
- They leave you stranded
- They pick drugs or another substance over you
- They isolate you from all your friends and family
- Everything is always your fault(somehow, this is a method of control)

My point of this giant rant is: Life sucks, people suck. Don't push the people away who try to help you and who are good for you. Throw away the people who treat you like crap. If they can't treat you right then they don't respect you, they don't love you and they do not deserve the time and effort you put into them. Stop chasing people who do not want to chase you. Stop making people your world when you are not their world(by their choice). Put that energy into yourself and someone will come around who makes YOU their world and can treat you right.

Life is too short to focus on the bad and to put up with people who can't treat you like a human being.